Julie's Recovery Journey

(Translated Ver.)

Written by Liang Shi Yin
Translated by Anastasia Laude

Having mental health issues is real. Some people choose to ignore mental health issues.  They even choose to ignore the importance of medication.

First of all, I would like to share my personal experience with medication.  Medication is a symbol of recovery.  Since young, my understanding of taking medication means recovery.  When I was diagnosed, I had a difficult time imagining myself taking lifetime medication.  I have to redefine my understanding of medication.  I was 29 years old at that time.  Having to take medication makes life for me feel like a 50 years old person with a heart condition.  I was young then and had to slow down and struggle with difficult emotions, depressed and impetuous.  Medication can only allow 4 hours of relief and to feel a sense of normal.

After having the medication for a month, I suddenly suffered a sense of memory loss. I felt fearful. I grab my head and began to shiver. I began to panic and felt my life was over. I started crying and slowly tears took over my life.  I began to become a person who kept crying. I lost the meaning and value of a young person’s life.

However, I continue to believe that “As long as I take my medication, I will recover”.

My journey taking medication is similar to a life journey. Imagine having a brain that cannot think of any ideas. This is very difficult for society to accept. I suffered verbal abuse, teased by others, constantly criticised and never understood. I often seek other people for acceptance and understanding, but I am always faced with disappointment. 

I wished and hope that I will not need to continue medication and looked forward to such a day when I can be myself - My True Self, where I will have many friends accompanying me. Can this truly happen or will this hope get shattered?

One day, the wife of my pastor told me that a miracle will happen - “One day you will no longer need to take medication. Upon hearing these words, I did not believe them at first. However, not long after hearing that, as I was working one day, I felt “Awaken” suddenly like a flower opening up, releasing energy. I recalled her words - “I have recovered”. I believed joyfully that “Miracle has happened. God truly exist”.


No, my newly found happiness lasted only for 3 months. After which, I started babbling (talking nonsense) when I was in a recovery centre, I was reminded to resume taking my injection and medication. Fortunately, there is a professional who sincerely took note of me and “Rescued” me. Otherwise, I will have to reside in a psychiatric hospital. I believe God truly exist. He stretched His hands to pull me. I am scared that if I have a relapse I will lose more in life than I can ever handle. 

I have been on this recovery journey for the last 12 years. This recovery journey has not been easy as I only got better by taking every small step through. Every 6 months, life seems to take on a good turn. However, my life never seems to get anywhere. The basic “Getting out of bed” is a struggle for me. The good feeling I get from it didn’t come till 6 months later. It sure was a struggle to achieve that. That good feeling light up a candle of Hope in my heart. I believe “Feeling” is very important to every person. “Feeling” is like the key which confirms. It allows me to see the window of “Hope” or the wall of “Rejection”.

As I continue to seek clarity on what lies ahead in this deep journey - What is the future will this “Hope” lead me to? I have dreams which I want to achieve. What will the end of this deep tunnel lead to? Can I achieve what I want? I do not have the answers, but what I do have is “Hope” to continue my life Journey.