· Stories Of Hope

For most of us, we have our safe space. We cherish it, we embrace it, we run back to it when all hell breaks loose. But that’s when our comfort zone becomes our crutch.

Sometimes, all you need is a push. For me, that was my godma’s birthday. She was turning 60 and wanted the people she cared for to be there. That meant 100 guests packed into a restaurant located at Tanglin.

Now that was a terrifying thought for me. Correction, terrifying thoughts. Firstly, we’re looking at 100 people all in one location; in a café with barely 10 people, there’s an 80% chance I’ll get a panic attack. Secondly, Tanglin. The location was way too close to where I had my first major attack ever, followed by my second a week after.

I truly wanted to die. For two days before the event, my body was literally on fire. I couldn’t sleep, I was feeling sick, parched, constantly having to tell myself that I’m not going mad.

On the day itself, I pulled myself out of bed, my heart in my throat and all weak in the knees. My two closest friends texted me to ask me if I would be intending (one is my godma’s daughter and the other, our classmate). I was hesitant but I replied them I was fine.

I forced myself out of bed, showered and decided to go for a haircut. Just walking to the salon, I wanted to pass out twice. At the salon, I gripped the chair so tight my knuckles turned white.

But I survived.

With that, I told myself, I need to do this; my godma would only be celebrating her 60th once and she wanted me there.

I spent an hour getting ready, a bunch of nerves. It took all my willpower to get into the car and head down.

When I saw the crowd, surprisingly, I had an adrenaline rush. A good one at that. For the entire 5 hours, I only had to take one pill.

At the end of the night, instead of feeling exhausted, I felt rejuvenated. And yes, extremely proud of myself. I made it, I got through it all.

Stepping out, going through the party, gave me a new confidence. I’ve definitely made a breakthrough and with the support of my friends, feel great.

So sometimes, it’s the fear that stops us from getting better. We need to step out of our comfort zone to realise that the fear is our own creation.